Heartbreak

I learned I was pregnant on June 27th, almost 3 weeks ago. We had been trying for 3 months and I felt very blessed that this pregnancy came so quickly. I prayed daily that God would bless me with a healthy pregnancy. My husband was excited and if you knew him, you’d know it takes a lot for him to become excited. It was a big deal for us. We decided to keep it to ourselves until we saw a heartbeat. I told my best friend and a friend I go to school with. That was it.

I began to have some complications the day before my first OB appointment. We had an ultrasound and the doctor said because it was so early, it wasn’t unusual to not see anything, particularly a heartbeat yet. I was ordered to have additional blood work to look at HCG and progesterone levels. The complications continued and increased over the weekend and I called to follow up about these levels on Monday. My doctor’s nurse informed me my HCG was 629 and progesterone was also low. At 5 weeks, 6 days, HCG should have been higher no doubt. At that point I knew what could only be confirmed with additional blood work. Miscarriage. The additional blood work was ordered. Today my doctor called me to confirm.

While I wasn’t pregnant for a long time, I was in love with my baby. And heartbreak is the only way to describe this feeling. My husband has been amazing and has only solidified the fact that I am incredibly blessed to be married to a man who is so supportive and loving. My friends have also been very supportive but I still feel devastated and feel my biggest supports at this time can only be those who have went through this experience. So please, share with me your stories and how you coped through your own heartbreak.

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3 thoughts on “Heartbreak

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss, hon.
    I lost my first baby just over two months ago. I was 17 weeks.
    I was devastated. I cried and cried for days, took time off of work, dedicated myself to my bed. After a week, I had to return to work, and, honestly, I’m glad I did, despite the difficulty of working with children and of facing the coworker, also pregnant, due on the same day as me, a woman who, weeks ago, was bonding with me over nausea and anticipating feeling movement.
    I found one of the best ways for me to cope was to talk. Endlessly. lol. I didn’t hold back, and I was brutally honest. I felt like I couldn’t keep it in. And I guess I still can’t, because while I no longer steer every conversation towards what I’ve been through, I’ve poured myself into writing and artwork, as a way to try to come to terms with my loss.
    I hope you find what you need to cope, and I hope it gets easier. For all of us on this path.
    (you can read more details of my story on my blog, hangyourhopesfromtrees.wordpress.com, if you’re interested)

  2. I am incredibly sorry for your loss, and I am truly so sorry that you’re on this journey… I’ve had two miscarriages, the first at 13 weeks, and the second at 7 weeks. I don’t think there’s any way to describe it apart from heartbreak. It’s by far, THE worst experience I have ever had to go through, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! (Not that I really have many, but you know what I mean.) I’ve started blogging, and you are welcome to check out my stories about my journey… my first miscarriage was four years ago, so I’m slightly “behind” on blogging, but I thought it was about time. I admire that you’re sharing the way that you are, and so openly, so soon! I shared openly on my facebook page, and did communicate with friends, but none of them had gone through a miscarriage, so that was hard. I hope that you’re able to find the support and encouragement that you need!

    http://miscarriagesmatter.wordpress.com/

    • Thanks Krysta. I will definitely head over to your blog. It helps so much to hear from others who have had similar losses. I can’t imagine going through this hell twice. I am so very sorry you have had to experience this.

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