So lately there have definitely been fewer crying episodes and I’m feeling more at peace with the whole situation. I know that the odds are in my favor to have a child at some point and I try to keep my mind away from the other possibilities.
Today I started my semester-long practicum in school psychology. I got to see some kids and was reminded of how much I love children. For the last 5 years I’ve had about 20-30 kids at a time that were “my kids” in my previous career. I’d always say, “I have 20 kids, I don’t need any more.” Whatever the future holds, I am blessed to work with children. I just wish all mothers appreciated and loved their children as much as I will mine someday because they all deserve that.
I did start progesterone and I have four days of it left. Still hoping I’ll be fortunate enough to get pregnant right away but know I still have only a 20% chance. I think getting back to being hopeful was the best thing for me. I was in a terrible place right after the miscarriage and I’m proud of myself for working through it. I hope that anyone who has been through this trying experience (or God forbid more than once) has support and love to help cope through the crap that is a miscarriage.
So at some point in most of our lives we go on a honeymoon. Some even go on a babymoon (which I hope to be able to go on soon). But now I know what a miscarriagemoon is like. And to be honest, it wasn’t half bad. I mean the whole just-had-a-miscarriage thing is awful but the getting away and refocusing my life, faith, and relationship was pretty amazing. I had 6 days of nothing to do but spend quality time with my husband, having new experiences. Two of those days were spent in Kansas City and the others in Chicago. It was our first trip to Chicago and we booked it two days before we left. The most spontaneous thing we’ve ever done. *I can be quite spontaneous but that is definitely not my husbands’ thing.* We ate great BBQ, did some phenomenal shopping, viewed the city from 103 floors up, ate deep dish pizza, had several cab rides with cabbies we couldn’t communicate with, saw Sue the dinosaur, saw a Cubs game, and focused on us. I know I am fortunate enough to have the chance to do this but if anyone else going though this can even manage a quick get-away, I highly recommend it.
I returned home at peace. I still get sad and tear up a little bit but I know it will be okay and my faith is growing stronger every day. We are not wasting any time trying to get pregnant again and continue to pray for our miracle. Here’s a few pictures from our get-away.