Lots to Focus On

I have a little over a week until my first doctor appointment for this pregnancy. If I make it past tomorrow without spotting, I’ll have made it further than the last pregnancy without complications. There have been some weak moments when I’ve convinced myself that I need to prepare for the worst and times when I can take it one day at a time. My counselor suggested that I “chunk” the pregnancy to manage my worries and only worry about certain things at this time and save the other worries for another time in the pregnancy. It is actually working. I am not allowing myself to worry about anything beyond my appointment next Thursday. 

So I’ve been focusing on work a lot and I officially have a contract for next year. I’ll be a full-fledged school psychologist with my own schools and students!! I am so excited. And today I witnessed just another reason why I choose this profession. 

It was towards the end of the day at a high school we were doing some testing at. Some cheerleaders were practicing a cheer and there were whispers that a girl was going to ask a boy to prom. The girl is a special education student and the boy is not. The cheerleaders approached the boy with the girl behind them. They said their cheer and then moved out of the way. The girl was holding a sign asking if he’d go to prom with her. The boy was so sweet, he just said of course I’ll go to prom with you and gave her a hug. I consider myself lucky to be in the presence of some of these students. What a brave young lady and what a sweet young man. 

I hope you all are well – no matter where you are in this journey. 

Overwhelmed

I am utterly overwhelmed with emotion tonight. The amount of support that all of you have shown me is more than I deserve. And the amount of support I see so many others receiving is honestly what I consider a God-given miracle. All of you are amazing. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Still Going

The second beta was 1372. I think this is good, almost doubled over 46 hours. It’s more than my first pregnancy ever got to. I’ll schedule my first appointment Monday. Hoping to get in between 6 and 7 weeks. 

That’s when things started to go wrong last time. I’m still cautious. Hopeful but my experience also keeps me realistic. 

Thank you to all of you for the thoughts and prayers. It means so much and gives me comfort during this precarious time. Thank you!!

Well….

I tested out Mrs. MLACS’s theory. It was right. My first beta was 739. I’ll go tomorrow for the second check. 

I really don’t have a lot of words right now. While this is something I’ve wanted and prayed for for so long, I don’t know quite how to act or think. I feel like I’m holding my breath. Not willing to fully invest but obviously thinking about what this could mean. 

Please don’t think I’m being negative about it or not appreciating it because I know the longing for that second line. I am appreciative. Maybe I think if I don’t fully invest, I won’t be hurt as bad if this pregnancy doesn’t work out. But really that’s crazy talk. I’ll lose it if I miscarry again. 

Thanks for all your support. I could use a positive thought or prayer or two. And all the while I continue to hold all of my new friends in my thoughts and prayers. 

Still Boycotting Testing!

I am 13 DPO today. Temps are still up. I never have a luteal phase over 13 days so I am expecting the witch tomorrow. I also usually have spotting by now. BUT I didn’t spot as much last cycle and I had been on the thyroid medication for 3 weeks and now even longer. So I am attributing all of this to the medication possibly getting my hormones in check. I am going in for a thyroid panel this week – whenever I  get the motivation to drive the 45 minutes – to see if it’s doing any good. But there is no hope that all of this means a pregnancy. This journey has worn me down in that aspect. I’m not sure I’ll believe it when/if it does happen. 

But in bigger news – it’s been over two months since I’ve taken a pregnancy test!!! Wooo! I am saving money and disappointment! 

And in even bigger news – I have my first appointment with the RE scheduled. March 31. I think it gives us some time to make changes and get healthy but it isn’t too far away. I’m okay with it. And ready to get some more answers and a plan!

Stronger

I’m at 7 DPO and I think my progesterone has been trying to ruin my life!!!! Not really but my mood has been down the last few days. I’ve been having “Why Days”. Why me? Why can’t it be easy? Why did we wait so long? Why can’t I just move on? Why am I allowing this to affect my marriage? But last night while watching the Biggest Loser, a contestant said something that clicked for me. They showed his story. His wife was diagnosed with cancer after two months of marriage. She basically fought cancer their entire marriage and eventually she lost her battle. He discussed how, indeed, his story has been tough but then he said, “You have to be stronger than your story.” WOW!!!! Isn’t that exactly what life is about? There probably isn’t a person out there who hasn’t faced something tough. Some of us face things that are more tough than others but we all have hardships. We all struggle. And we all rise up and are stronger than our story or whatever crappy hand we were dealt. And when you don’t think you have it, you somehow find that strength. 

I pray that my blog friends who are facing a failed IVF, IUI, or cycle or a loss (whether it was your first or 10th) can hold on through this pain. You are strong. And you will find a way to be stronger than your story. Thinking of all of you 🙂

A Liebster????

So before I got to business with these awards, I had to figure out what a liebster was so I knew what kind of award I was accepting! Just kidding, I knew the sweet girls who nominated me wouldn’t set me up. But I did find out that liebster means sweetheart, beloved person, or darling. How great is that?!?! 

Jen from Infertility, why me? (love that name, don’t we all ask that question??) and the sweet doctor over at An Airman and a Doctor both nominated me for the Liebster Award. And I’m very appreciative for this! 

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Here are Jen’s questions…..

Are you a cat or dog person? Why?

  • Definitely a cat person. Must have had too many bad experiences with big dogs jumping on me when I was little. I do love my two mutts to death though. 

What’s your favorite place you’ve traveled to?

  • Boston for our Honeymoon. If we don’t get lucky in the pregnancy department, we may make another trip for our 5-year Anniversary this July. 

If you could spend a day with someone who’s died who would it be, and why?

  • Honestly, Marilyn Monroe. (Little bit embarrassed about that.) The psych in me wants to know what she was like and what drove her to do the things she did. The history geek in me wants to know all the secrets she had to have known considering who she associated with. 

What book(s) are you reading right now?

  • Study guides for my praxis in school psychology. The test date is actually my due date. I think the universe either hates me or is giving me a great distraction for that day. 

What would be your ultimate vacation?

  • Australia or Bora Bora.  

Do you prefer to give gifts, or receive them?

  • I love to give meaningful gifts. I do love to receive but I love when people love a gift I have gotten them. 

How did you meet your partner/spouse?

  • Officially a party in college. We did meet once before that and he totally brushed me off. Pretty standard for him! He had to have a couple of drinks in him to get brave enough. He’s been my Liebster since!

What’s your best personality trait?

  • I’m pretty loyal, almost to a fault at times. I see it as a all or nothing kind of thing and that’s gotten me in trouble before. But I wouldn’t change how strongly I feel about those in my life. 

Favorite scripture verse, life motto, or quote?

  • Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation because He’s trying to change your heart.
  • Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it isn’t the end.

Love those questions! Now for the next round. 

Did you “play pretend” as a child and what was your favorite character?

  • I looooooved to play school when I was little and I was always the teacher. 

What was/is your favorite job and/or position?

  • Other than my current job, I really liked being a waitress through college. The work was over when you left and I got to meet a lot of different people (good and bad, really bad sometimes!). 

What is your favorite form of exercise (if you can find the time/motivation to do so)?

  • Running and I need to do more of it!!! Ready for spring!

What is your favorite book?

  • Hmmmm this is hard!!! Any Wally Lamb book, specifically She’s Come Undone. 

Do you have a favorite season and/or holiday?

  • 4th of July. I think I’ve answered this before but I love it because I love my country but also because I met (2005) and married (2009) my husband on this day! 

What is your favorite childhood memory?

  • Birthday parties! All of them

Do you live close to your hometown and, if not, do you visit often?

  • I live very close but don’t visit too often.

How many siblings do you have?

  • One brother, one half sister, two step-sisters

What super hero powers would you like to have?

  • Flying so I wouldn’t have to drive as much!!!

Whew that was a lot of fun! Now THE NOMINATIONS! (I really could nominate every single one of the blogs I follow because you are all amazing but here’s my choices for this award.)

Mrs. MLACS – This is not because of one of your most recent posts, you are definitely one of my Liebster blog friends!! Honest and helpful, what more could you ask for!?!

A Hundred Affections – Katie is a true sweet soul. I am 100% sure of this and I’ve only ever conversed with her over the internet. Her most recent post is a true testament to this. 

A Clam Persistence – I know she has probably already been nominated because she is simply amazing but I couldn’t do this without putting her on here. 

Wishing Wales – Amy is also a sweet, darling soul. Her most recent post captures the “ache” we all know so well. 

I am so lucky to have been connected with these Liebster’s but also with the rest of you amazing bloggers. Thank you!!! 🙂

 

 

If you choose to participate (and why wouldn’t you? It’s awesome!!!  No pressure though=) ), here are the rules to “accept” it.

  1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
  2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”.
  3. Answer the questions that I give you below
  • What is your middle name?
  • When did you get married?
  • Favorite event in the Winter Olympics?
  • Best thing about summer?
  • Favorite TV series?
  • Favorite music artist from the 1970s?
  • Favorite move from the 1990s?
  • Why do you blog?

4.  Nominate as many blogs that you feel deserve the award.

5.  Create a new list of questions for the bloggers you have nominated to answer.

6.  List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here)

Once you have accepted your MAJOR award by writing and publishing your “acceptance” speech, you then should inform the people/blogs that you have nominated them for the Liebster Award.  Also, you might want to provide a link for them back to this post or your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!)