Andie is now 3 months old. There hasn’t been much to update on. Luckily she’s developing typically, we haven’t had any trouble with breastfeeding, and she gets fussy like all babies do. I did return to work and that was awful! The guilt consumed me for days leading up to it. I went back just for a week before Christmas break and then got another 2 weeks. It wasn’t as bad going back after the break, so much happens between 8 and 12 weeks. She wasn’t like a little newborn any more. She can hold her head up, she’s very strong! She loves standing up and looking around, she’s very nosey! She has the most beautiful eyes and crazy hair. She is everything I wanted. Sure there are times in the middle of the night when I just wanna sleep and she’s up but she’s worth it all. My husband has been great since I returned to work. He will get up once in the night to give her a bottle so I can get one good chunk of sleep. I still have days where I feel guilty and want to throw the towel in with work but for now I’ll count down the weeks to summer.
Christmas this year with my in-laws was much different. But not really. I’m healed (although I still get sad thinking about the baby I lost) but their dysfunctional family dynamics are still there. I continue to play my role as a communicator within the family but I’ll never feel like I am a member of the family again. And that’s ok. I have my own little family and that’s all that matters.
One of my good friends, who has recently had two miscarriage (three in total), found out she is pregnant. She goes for an ultrasound tomorrow. I don’t know why these things happen. I don’t know if there’s a reason for it. I hate it. So if you could, say a prayer for my friend. I hope all of you are well. I have loved staying up to date with the new babies, new bumps, and personal growth.
Here’s some pictures from Andie’s first few months. Thank you for all the well wishes!